Sometimes the hardest part of the day is a very ordinary moment: finding shoes, leaving the playground or getting ready for bed. If your family is having a difficult time with a routine, begin by looking at the situation with curiosity. A useful routine reflects the people who use it, including their energy, communication and preferences.
Predictability can help children understand what happens next. But a routine also needs enough flexibility for real life. You can start with one manageable adjustment rather than redesigning the whole day.
1. Choose one moment to understand
Pick a routine that matters to your family. For a few days, notice which step is difficult and what is happening around it. Is everyone rushing? Is the room noisy? Has your child just stopped an absorbing activity? Are there too many instructions at once?
Include what already works. Perhaps your child gets dressed comfortably on weekends, or leaves the house more easily when someone explains the plan. These observations can help you identify where to begin.
2. Listen to your childs perspective
Ask what feels hard, using a communication method your child can access. Their answer might come through words, pointing, movement, a drawing or a communication device. You may need to observe and check your interpretation rather than assume you know.
For example, a child who avoids getting dressed may be uncomfortable in particular clothes. Another may find it hard to choose between several outfits. The same outward difficulty can call for very different support.
3. Make the steps easier to follow
Consider whether the routine has more steps than your child can comfortably manage at that moment. Try explaining one step at a time, or showing a short sequence with familiar photographs, objects or written words. Visual information can remain available after spoken instructions have finished.
A simple leaving-home sequence might show: bag, shoes, door. Use a format your child understands and check whether it helps. A detailed chart is only useful if it makes the task clearer.
4. Make space for choice and preparation
Give your child a chance to participate in planning. You might offer two suitable choices or ask which part they would like help with. Keep choices real and manageable.
Before a transition, explain what is finishing and what comes next in a way your child understands. If plans change, update them as soon as you can. Some children need extra time or support with unexpected changes; talk with the professionals who know your child about what is appropriate.
5. Practise when there is less pressure
A rushed morning may be a difficult time to introduce several new ideas. If possible, explore one step during a calmer period. You could check where the bag will go or try the visual sequence together.
Notice effort and participation. Finishing a step with support still counts as progress. If your child becomes distressed, pause and consider comfort, safety and whether the expectation needs to change.
6. Review the adjustment together
After trying a change, ask what became easier and what still felt difficult. Check your own workload too. A plan that needs constant preparation may need simplifying.
For example, placing belongings near the door might help, while a long checklist might add pressure. Keep the useful part and change the rest. Family routines can evolve as circumstances, preferences and support needs change.
When to seek support
If a routine regularly involves significant distress, pain, safety concerns or difficulty taking part in daily life, speak with your GP or an appropriate health professional. They can help explore the causes and the support your child may need.
RM Therapy can discuss the services available for your family. Contact our team to ask about the next step, or explore Parenting Education for more general resources.
References
1. Raising Children Network — Family Routines https://raisingchildren.net.au/babies/family-life/routines-rituals/family-routines
2. Raising Children Network — Routines and Additional Needs https://raisingchildren.net.au/disability/family-life/family-management/routines-disability
3. Raising Children Network — Visual Supports https://raisingchildren.net.au/autism/therapies-guide/visual-supports
4. Raising Children Network — Helping Autistic Children Cope with Change https://raisingchildren.net.au/autism/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/changing-routines-asd