Choosing to explore counselling is also not a promise to stay together. It can be a way to understand what is happening, consider whether change is possible and make decisions with more clarity. Both people may come with different hopes, and those differences are worth discussing.
Notice what keeps happening
Think about a recent difficult conversation. What was the topic? What did each person do next? Was one trying to resolve it immediately while the other became quiet or left? Did you return to the issue later, or was it left unresolved? This kind of reflection can give a counsellor a starting point beyond a list of disagreements.
You might notice arguments about parenting, household responsibilities or money. You might also notice less obvious changes: feeling lonely together, avoiding shared activities or finding that affection has become difficult. Relationships Australia’s guide describes recurring arguments, emotional distance and parenting conflict among reasons to consider professional support.
Make the invitation specific and voluntary
If it is safe to raise the idea, choose a moment when neither of you is in the middle of an argument. Describe a concern and what you hope support could help you explore. For example: ‘I feel that we keep getting stuck when we talk about parenting. I would like us to understand that better. Would you be open to asking a counsellor about it?’
Avoid presenting counselling as a way for someone else to prove your partner wrong. Give the other person space to ask questions or feel uncertain. You can look at the service information together, discuss costs and ask what a first appointment involves. Attending must be a choice; pressuring someone to participate does not create a useful starting point.
Prepare without writing a case against each other
Before an appointment, each person could note one or two things they want the counsellor to understand, something they value about the relationship and a change they hope to work towards. Those changes may be small and concrete: finishing one difficult conversation, agreeing how to divide a responsibility or understanding why a topic feels painful.
You do not need matching notes or a shared version of every event. A counsellor will want to understand each perspective and whether joint sessions are appropriate. You can also prepare practical questions about consent, confidentiality, separate conversations, fees and how progress will be reviewed.
Consider safety before communication exercises
If you are afraid of a partner’s reaction, experiencing threats or control, or worried that information shared in a session will be used against you, seek individual advice before proposing joint counselling. These concerns need a safety response, rather than a shared communication task. Joint counselling may be unsafe or unsuitable.
You can contact 1800RESPECT for confidential domestic, family and sexual violence support on 1800 737 732, or visit 1800respect.org.au. Let any service you contact know a safe way to reach you. In immediate danger, call 000.
Take one informed step
If you are considering couples counselling, start by asking about the approach, suitability checks and fees. It is reasonable to want to know who you will see and what you are agreeing to. You do not need to disclose your full relationship history through a website enquiry.
RM Therapy provides couples counselling in Bundoora and via suitable telehealth appointments. Visit our Couples Therapy and Counselling page to learn about working with Rana M., or request an appointment through our booking pathway. Individual counselling is also available if you want support on your own.
References:
Here are the references formatted as a numbered list:
1. Relationships Australia — A Guide to Relationships: Warning Signs and Support Options https://www.relationships.org.au/wp-content/uploads/Partners_A-guide_Web.pdf
2. Relationships Australia Northern Territory — What to Expect from Relationship Counselling https://nt.relationships.org.au/case-studies/what-expect-relationship-counselling
3. 1800RESPECT — Contacting the National Support Service https://www.1800respect.org.au/calling-1800respect
4. Relationships Australia Tasmania — Family and Relationship Services (FaRS): Safety and Separate Sessions Where Family Violence Is Present https://tas.relationships.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/FaRS-.pdf